Affirm the Kindness of Others!

Affirm the Kindness of other!

Ralph Waldo Emerson, an American writer born in Boston, Massachusetts, said, "The ancestor of all action is thought."[1] Therefore, when we are going to act and do something, it is very important to think about it. what and how. influence or impact of the action. If we don't have a good and strong reason to do it then think about the bad impact that will happen. Because there are many things that we have to do and pay attention to, so there must be a little time to fix the bad impact if it does happen. Or we can choose a safe way to avoid it, just do things and actions that really have good and strong reasons.

In relationships and communication with others. What we say and do must have a positive impact on them. One way is to strengthen the goodness that is in them. This will stimulate their hearts to feel the awareness of the "goodness" that is in them. So they will feel moved and rise up to change for the better. Because when they feel bad, there is someone who affirms the good that is in them, it is a big concern that they feel.

For example, a high school student who is often late for school does not feel deterred when he gets scolding, anger and threats from his teacher. This is because these students have adapted and are used to the emotions that occur because they often get them. A teacher's decision to increase scolding, anger and threats towards students is an inappropriate decision, because after all nagging, anger and threats basically produce little effect. Another wiser and more impactful way is not to criticize mistakes but to affirm goodness.

The first step a teacher can take is to pay attention to students, explore what good or positive things they have. Because basically normal humans must have their own good sides, no matter how bad and how bad their behavior is. After we know the goodness or positive attitude of the student we can give affirmations and emphasize the goodness that is in him. That way, indirectly we will have a deep influence on these students, because when other teachers nag and scold them we are there for them as people who understand and know the good in them. Slowly but surely, he will rise and be moved to change for the better. We will have a great impact on the lives of these students and when we ask them not to do something bad like be late for school, our request will be much more acceptable than the requests of other teachers. And as a result, good changes will be achieved by these students without scolding, anger, and threats.

Another thing we need to know is that affirming kindness to others is different from flattering. Affirming kindness requires deep observation and concern for a person. While giving or praise is usually enough to do by visually seeing the goodness and abilities of others. Although in the Big Indonesian Dictionary (KBBI) the meaning of praise is (a statement) a feeling of sincere recognition and appreciation for the goodness (advantages) of something. However, in its existence, praise only requires sincere acknowledgment without having to know more about the person being praised.

If we are able to affirm the kindness of others, then the influence we can get is greater than just giving or giving praise. Emerson said, "Everyone has the right to be appreciated for their best moments."[2] So, everyone also has the right to affirm the goodness that is in him. 

Someone will more easily change for the better if we are able to change him by strengthening the good that is in him. Because when someone is aware and remembers "there is good in him". then there will be a feeling of rising up to change for the better. It's different from when we try to change someone in a better direction by pointing out the mistakes they made. Maybe for some people it will work, but very little result and influence that he and we will get. This is because, a person's feelings will be divided, between feelings of wanting to be better and feelings of regret or disappointment because of his mistakes. And most people tend to spend more of their emotions thinking about regrets and disappointments over mistakes.

Besides that, affirming the goodness of others besides influencing others also affects ourselves. We will always remember that everyone has their own goodness so that a wise and good character will be formed within us because it is not easy to judge other people's mistakes. We will also respect ourselves more and not be easily disappointed and angry with others when they utter reproaches, ridicule and reprimands. We will understand better that, we have our own goodness that others don't know and don't need to know. In addition, we can consider this reproach and ridicule as a test of the goodness we have.

With regard to business, in You Can't Lead With Your Feet On The Desk, Ed Fuller, President and Managing Director of Marriott International said, which in this case relates to kindness that needs to be emphasized in order to have a harmonious relationship. . . , he says, "Without mutual respect, no business relationship can last. Whether it's with employees or customers and partners. And as I've learned myself, showing subordinates that you respect them can resolve even the fiercest conflicts." From the words of Ed Fuller, we can conclude that it is only by our ability to acknowledge the goodness of others that great progress can be made both for them and for ourselves.

Writer : Penadiksi
Job : Entrepreneur (Penadiksi Media Group)
Editor : Sibangbara
[1] Dale Carnegie & Associates, Inc, How To Win Friends & Influence People In The Digital Age, (terjemah Indonesia oleh Nengah Krisnarini), (Jakarta : PT Gramedia Pustaka Utama, 2022), halaman. 18.
[2] Ralph Waldo Emerson, The Conduct of Life (1860), VIII : Beauty. (Dalam catatan buku How To Win Friends & Influence People In The Digital Age, halaman 261).