Avoid Blaming, Nagging and Criticizing

In life, "influence" is a path that can be used to achieve progress. However, everyone has their own definition of "influence." This can be oriented from how a person's view of something. For example, some argue that power is when we have power. There are also those who think that power is when we have moral goodness. From these two views we can define that "influence" according to the first view is power, while according to the second view is moral goodness. So, it is important that when we want to influence others, we can align the purpose and meaning of what we are going to do.

If seen in a special sense, according to the Big Indonesian Dictionary (KBBI) influence is the power that exists or arises from something (people, objects) that contributes to shaping one's character, beliefs, or actions.[1] Meanwhile, according to experts, the definition of influence is as follows:

1. According to Wiryanto, influence is a formal and informal figure in society who is cosmopolitan, innovative, competent, and easy to reach compared to those who are influenced.

2. According to Robert Dahl, influence is likened to the following: A has influence over B to the extent that he can cause B to do something that B would not actually do.

3. According to Rural Sociology, influence is power that can result in changes in the behavior of other people or groups.

4. According to Bartram Johannes Otto Schrieke, influence is a form of power whose certainty cannot be measured. 

From the understanding above, it seems that it can be concluded that influence has a closeness to power. So the language of influence can be interpreted as the language of leadership. In this day and age, technological developments are felt very rapidly.

However, in addition to the positive impact of technological developments that make it easier for humans, it also has a negative impact, especially on the communication media. Because technology can damage a person's reputation and influence more quickly and easily. Thus, the author was inspired by the advice of Dale Carnegie who is one of the greatest motivators and speakers of the 20th century, his advice, "avoid the habit of blaming, berating and criticizing".[2] For writers, this advice is very important to heed at this time, even though it is very difficult to do. Because living in the current era where we communicate through digital media which has a very wide reach. Not limited to certain regions, cultures and norms, so that what we say may be accepted by one group but wrong for another group.

Guy Kawasaki, author of Enchantment, says, “Digital communications allow us to reach more people faster and for less money. But losers are still losers. Technology can destroy a person's reputation faster and easier than ever.”[3]

Therefore, don't make it a habit to complain, blame, nag and criticize others. Because it can have a negative impact on ourselves. A study conducted by Proofpoint in 2009, the results showed that 8% of employee dismissal cases in US companies with more than a thousand employees were caused by their comments on sites such as Facebook and LinkedIn.[4] A pretty big presentation for something that is considered trivial to do.

One example of that being fired happened to an employee at the Philadelphia Eagles stadium. Where the employee wrote down the status of complaining, blaming and denouncing the Eagles team for releasing his favorite player, Brian Dawkins, to join the Denver Broncos. He said, “…you stupid Eagles team!...”[5]

Another example of dismissal occurred with seven supermarket employees named Farm Boy. They created a group on Facebook called "I got Farm Boy'd". Within these groups, they made fun of supermarket customers and posted verbal attacks on customers and staff.[6] Although maybe in reality what we blame is really wrong or we criticize someone who deserves to be blamed. However, human nature does not like to be criticized, whether deserved or not. When we use reproach, reproach and rebuke we are attacking others. Then inevitably the person will defend himself or survive. And after everything has happened and dissolved, in the next period the person will have a feeling of alertness, maybe there will be grudges or at least doubts that will impact their relationship with us. It could be that the people we criticize and blame are people who will affect our lives in the future, such as potential investors or corporate partners. Because we have criticized it before, the opportunity to build this collaboration could have run aground. This means that the reproaches and reproaches we make will eventually come back to us and can harm us in the future.

To avoid the habit of blaming, berating, criticizing and criticizing, there are some suggestions that we can do, namely: 1. Make sure that the media we have becomes our means of inspiring and giving advice to others, not to be used as a means of seeking fame and seeking – find fault with others. 2. Trying to fight our urge to badmouth someone even though we feel that person deserves it. 3. Create meaningful messages and communication links. We can start by eliminating certain personally rewarding goals when dealing with other people. 4. Calm and wise before and when we communicate with others.

Regarding the 4 suggestions above, there is a saying, "We will be judged by the way we judge others, and we will be judged according to the standards we use to judge others." In this day and age, one's intelligence to seduce and persuade through words no longer has much effect on making friends and influencing others. What is needed now is someone's eloquence in communicating in a wise and humble way about generosity and humility. Don't make it a habit to blame, criticize and nag others, use words wisely because they can make it easier for us to take shortcuts. The faster way leads us to progress in life